My friendships are very important to me, but friendships havn’t always been that easy.
I have always talked very well, I learned to speak in sentences, not single words. When I did my first animal noises, my dog noise wasn’t ‘woof!’ it was more like ‘ghhhnff!’ exactly the same way that I had heard a dog say it. I have always been a very good copier, and can copy accents, languages, and other sounds very easily. I can do good impressions of people, though I know that this is not always kind, so I usually don’t bother, unless its someone off the telly and they are never going to know so I’m not too bothered. Also, they are going on the telly usually to get famous, so if someone is trying to do an impression of them then they are really achieving their goal that bit faster.
I’m a loyal friend and will stay faithful to my friends for many years, and never gossip about them. Honestly, though, sometimes I forget to ring or text them. Mum might say, shall we have (lets say Ben, but I don’t really have a friend called Ben, just as a hypotheses) Ben over for dinner? And its a good idea, I really want to have Ben over, but if Ben hadn’t phoned me, or Mum hadn’t suggested I just might not have thought.
I find it really difficult to enter a group. Sometimes there are large groups of people who seem to be having fun and it would be so good to be part of it, but something makes me stop, or worry that they wouldn’t want me in the group anyway. My Dad is always very reassuring, like who WOULD’T want you to be part of their group, but then he is my Dad and has to say nice stuff to me so its hard to get a real picture.
There are a few people that I really trust, like my best mate Will, who also has Asperger’s. We got to the cinema together once a week (he goes much more, he loves films, has an ‘unlimited’ card and has to see every film, even if he knows he is going to hate it. He has to give the films ‘rock and roll’ symbols, 10 for excellent 0 for absolute rubbish. There have been a few 10’s, but never a 0, I think). I like going to the cinema with Will, it feels completely comfortable. Sometimes we fall out because he says quite sexist comments, but he is a teenage boy and he has to be forgiven. Also, he is my best mate.
I think that there are many people out there who could be friends, but overcoming that anxiety to be myself and to let them into my world is a bit of a barrier. I’m working on it. In college today a whole group of people warming their bums on a radiator just swallowed me in, it was great. One minute I was getting a bit of a warm, the next minute I was learning a whole group’s names (that felt VERY warm!) so it just goes to show, even if you feel nervous, you can sometimes be brave, and people will invite you in.
I’d love to have more friends, and I could develop of way of reminding myself to stay in touch with them, so that they know I still want to be their friends 🙂